It’s the weekend and you and your college roommate are all set for a night of getting wickedly stoned and playing Mario Kart until the wee hours of the morning, the only problem is… you are fresh out of weed. You got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. You are so weedless you don’t even have any left-over seeds and stems. You could have sworn you had some in your emergency stash but then you remember that you smoked it all while surfing free internet porn the previous Wednesday when you were supposed to be in Economics class.
You and your roommate try to get in touch with Katie, your go-to drug dealer, but it’s Friday night at 10:30 and she’s whacked out of her gourd on ecstasy and dancing her ass off at the local gay bar and doesn’t return your voice messages (which you leave 34 of –after this night Katie is no longer your go-to drug dealer –her decision, not yours). So then you start to call your friends to see if they have any weed and you find out that there is apparently a major ganja drought right now. No one’s got shit, and if they do, they ain’t sharing –they are smoking it all themselves those greedy fuck-wads!
An hour later you are desperate and this is when the panic sets in. What the fuck are you going to do now?
You think about getting drunk instead, but you have to be to work early in the morning and don’t feel like nursing a hangover all day. You try to play Mario Kart sober but are quickly bored and a little dizzy. You even consider the thought of just going to bed and getting a good night’s sleep –then you realize that will make you a lame-ass pussy so you don’t (you will regret this decision later).
And that’s when it happens, your roommate comes out of his bedroom holding his four foot long super bong (that we dubbed the “The Wave Motion Gun” –if you get the reference good for you, if not you missed out on a great Japanime cartoon series) with a giant grin on his face. He proceeds to tell you that he heard from this dude in his Business Admin class who heard from his ex-girlfriend’s cousin that if you drink bong water you will get super duper extra high. He then sets the bong down on your coffee table as you gaze into the hand-blown glass tube at the DISGUSTING MUNGY BROWN WATER. You ask, “Uh, dude, when’s the last time you changed that shit?”
Your roommate replies, “Freshman year. I think.” (you are now at the beginning of the first semester of your second senior year). You think for a very long minute, then, in true dumb-ass college kid fashion, you say fuck it.
The next thing you know, you and your roommate are staring at two pint glasses full of the most foul looking liquid you have ever seen. As you bring the glass to your lips a small part of your brain screams at you not to do this –but again, in true dumb-ass college kid fashion, you say fuck it and down that sucker.
It tastes like a burnt turd wrapped in dirty ass covered in skunk fart but you manage to choke it down. Then you wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Three hours later you are still not high, you have thrown up four times, and can’t seem to get the turd-ass-skunk taste out of your mouth. Your roommate is lying on the bathroom floor curled into a fetal position moaning for his mother.
And that’s when you learn a valuable lesson –no matter what anyone says –bong water will not get you high…and you really need a girlfriend. Maybe Katie will go out with you.
A Sociopsychological Analysis (With the words of Rebecca Black)
Dr. Doakes gives his take on the profoundly metaphorical lyrics contained in Friday. Keep in mind that her parents paid $2,000 for these:
Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” may be the most profound and accurate representation of being a teenager since J.D. Salinger’s “The Catcher in the Rye”. Sadly, Ms. Black’s music video for “Friday” has recently come under fire. I, for one, see the music video as a misrepresentation of the songs lyrics - it has a message that needs to be taken and accounted for.
“Seven a.m., waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal Seein’ everything, the time is goin’ Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’ Gotta get down to the bus stop Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)”
- Ms. Black is making a statement about the monotonous schedule of life that teenagers long to escape. Cereal symbolizes the childhood she has left behind for this more structured existence. She must have her cereal, because it is one of the last bastions of a childhood coming closer and closer to an end as adulthood looms. This is proven by the next two lines, in which she cries out for the world to slow down. However, this monotonous day is broken by a surprise encounter with her friends. She is so surprised and overjoyed by the event that she repeats (My friends) for further emphasis on the change.
“Kickin’ in the front seat Sittin’ in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take?”
- This short verse is a metaphor for the social anxiety almost every teen feels; it’s alternately a comment on the terrifyingly vast unknown of one’s role in society after school. The double meaning is ingenious. Her friends wait expectantly for her decision, but she feels nervous. Who should I associate myself with? Would they be mad if I sat in the back or front? Ms. Black clearly feels uncomfortable in social situations. By asking what seat she can take, Ms. Black contemplates what her place in society will be when she grows up. Will there even be a place for her? Will she be in the front seat mainly with one group or in the back with another? The possibilities are open and it scares her. At the same time, “Kickin’ in the front seat/ Sittin’ in the back seat”, shows the eternal class struggle that she has noticed in her life. Those “Kickin’ in the front seat” are the upper class and they life of luxury they enjoy. Those “Sittin’ in the back seat” are the working class and their inability to enjoy their position (“Kickin’” as Ms. Black metaphorically calls it) and hence are always sitting.
“It’s Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin’ down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah) Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin’ forward to the weekend”
- Here Ms. Black confronts the fears of the future in a negative and possibly self-destructive way. She looks forward to the weekend, as there is no structure and one is able to do what one wants to do. However, to forget the agony of the train of adulthood barrelling towards her, she spends her time partying (what kind of party, we are not told) until she forgets her troubles. She looks forward to the weekend as an escape from the troubles and fear that permeate her young life.
“7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly Fun, fun, think about fun You know what it is I got this, you got this My friend is by my right, ay I got this, you got this Now you know it”
- “Cruisin’ so fast” is more evidence for dealing with the pressures of the future in a negative way. One believes she almost wants the car to crash as to release her from the prison of her future. Instead of dwelling on this, however, she thinks about fun; maybe if she thinks of fun these fears will vanish. She tries to tell herself things will be alright. I’ve got it, Ms. Black reassures herself, I have friends by my side who can help me through this fear. And thus she believes it for a while. On another note, her friend being on her right is symbolic of her conservative values, and rejection of liberal politics, not even noticing her friend on the left.
“Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’) We-we-we so excited We so excited We gonna have a ball today Tomorrow is Saturday And Sunday comes after … wards I don’t want this weekend to end”
- Yesterday was oppression, today is freedom. Who wouldn’t be excited about that? Society can no longer restrain her from following her own path, whatever that may be. The weekend may also symbolise retirement, after years of work she would be able to settle down and do what she wants with her life. Tomorrow is Saturday, the complete release from structure. She does not want to live the time of hard work between school and retirement, she just wants to go from having few responsibilities to having even fewer at the end of life. She doesn’t want this period of freedom to end.
“R-B, Rebecca Black So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat) In the back seat (In the back seat) I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah) Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes Wit’ a cop on my side (Woo!) (C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all”
- This rapper, whose name is Patrice Wilson, represents a voice of reason trying to help Ms. Black through her fears. By saying she is in both the front AND back seats, he suggests that Ms. Black can reconcile her social anxiety by not choosing one side alone, embracing both and not letting any become her favorite. However, he feels angered about the pressures society puts on its teens to achieve everything. He sees a school bus in front of him and, like a bomb, wants to explode into screams. It should be Friday already, so those poor kids can have some of that ever-lasting pressure taken off! Also notice how one is only really “chillin’” in the “front seat”, again explaining how one can only have fun and truly be free while in the upper class social structure.
“It’s Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin’ down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend”
- With the repetition of this chorus, one realizes the emphasis she is putting on how everyone is looking forward to the end of the pressures and structures that society imposes. Her final point is that no one enjoys the structure, not fully. We all look forward to the weekends. Many people also look forward to the end of work, when life’s Saturday comes around and death awaits. Reading these lyrics one may think it is a simple song about a girl having fun on Friday, but with all genius that is not the case. Rebecca Black has created a form of manifesto stating that everyone dislikes the pressures of society and long for the time of freedom and lack of responsibilities at the Saturday and Sunday of life: retirement and childhood respectively. Between them is the vast majority of life, work that doesn’t end until the metaphorical weekend. The point Rebecca Black is trying to make is not that life will be horrible, but that life is hard, but it’s worth staying around till the end, because then you are allowed to finally have some fun. This is an admirable work that should be further analyzed from other viewpoints; I’m sure there is more hidden information below the surface, crawling to escape it’s prison, like the enigmatic Ms. Black herself. TL:DR - Get a calendar.
It’s been awhile, my hairs grey and I still go out too much, but I’ve met the most amazing people, the summer was spectacular, I’ve never been happier X!
Miranda Kerr birthing a 10 pound baby without lining her spine with epidural after epidural? Bitch must’ve had the Fellowship of ALL the Rings in the delivery room with her. Gandalf was throwing all kinds of “coochie loosening” spells in there.
Take me back to Friday night, Datsik at the manningbar
this video shows a fragment of how wild that night got
all i remember is being on stage, dancing with a guy in a bear suit, somehow having a lightsaber, datsik pouring vodka onto the crowd and an asian dude attempting a stage dive and nobody catching him.
Mental, destroyed that place
Oh yes i did..
I’m a high school lover, and you’re my favourite flavour
I cant behave myself.
This song doesn’t help.
Goose – Can’t Stop Me Now – (Bloody Beetroots Remix)
…It’s only Monday
As cool as it must be to have more than 260 films under your belt, a Guinness World Record for Tallest Leading Actor and proficiency in seven languages, not to mention a freaking knighthood, Christopher Lee’s greatest real-life accomplishment is probably the metal album featuring himself as his great-great-ancestor Charlemagne … which he recorded at age 87.
Food tactics
Whenever you go out to eat you gotta get the appetizer cause the appetizer’s just an excuse for an extra meal. You’re always like “Lets see, I will start with the 80 buffalo wings…and do you have a low-cal blue cheese? ‘Cause I don’t wanna fill up too much.”
It would be kinda embarrassing trying to explain what an appetizer is to someone from a starving country though. “Yeah the appetizer, that’s the food we eat before we have our food…No no you’re thinking of dessert, that’s food we eat after we have our food.”
You’re not supposed to have cake for breakfast, of course, but somehow pancakes slid through. I don’t know how that happened. It’s like, “Young man you’re not having cake for breakfast. You’re having fried cake with syrup for breakfast. Now load up on that and try not to nap.”
Pie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.
Cake’s a powerful food. Cake can actually bring people together. You know… “It’s Bill’s birthday” “Yeah I hate that guy.” “There’s cake in the conference room.” “Well I should say hello.”
Test Icicles - Circle. Square. Triangle
It’s a hit, it was a hit! People didn’t know what to do: whether to grab each other and dance or grab chairs and bludgeon nearby jugheads and ne’er-do-wells! You can hear how this would be confusing, given the shouting, the propulsive drums, the toddleresque energy of the guitar, and the breakdown towards the end. Plus it’s technically English music, which almost always has a weird effect on American ears. Local music critics wandered around in a daze, asking some of the more articulate hobos whether it was possible, in their opinion, to combine something like the anger and passion of Blood Brothers with something like the danceable sweat of the Rapture? The hobos nodded. Yes, they said sagely, Yes. (This is how I remember it happening).
